


Heart To Heart

by HookedonCS



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/M, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 16:13:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4712309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HookedonCS/pseuds/HookedonCS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Canon-divergence) Upon returning Killian’s heart to him, Emma tries to deal with the consequences of not realizing any sooner what was going on right in front of her the entire time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart To Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [catsophia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsophia/gifts).



She held his heart in her hands, as steady and strong as the beat pulsing from it. Emma’s eyes fell on the tiny dark spot right there in the center. It was a tiny reminder of where he’d began, what he’d been through, and where he was now.

Emma shook her head slowly, her mouth twisting this way and that as her thoughts ran wild. It wasn’t the darkening of Killian’s heart that made her sad. It wasn’t the feel of actually holding his heart as it beat outside his chest. It was everything that his heart represented. Absolutely everything…

Her eyes slowly lifted up, hitting on his chest, his shoulders, his neck, those hair-roughened cheeks. She didn’t know… She didn’t know if she could look him right in the eyes as her own heart and mind contemplated what the hell was going on.

His eyes. They were sullen and wide and directly on her. Killian looked… regretful, as if he had the nerve to do so. The nerve to look… as if he knew and understood the pain she was going through by having to even look at him right now.

“I know you’re upset, love.” His voice was quiet, soothing, as his gaze made a path across her entire face. The way he moved his hands towards her… as if his touch could soothe her even more….

Emma wanted to shake her head at the audacity of him. He actually thought that…(she did shake her head as she felt the weight of his heart tugging at her hand) He thought that he understood…

“”But there was no way that I could have told you.” His eyes held a warmth now, and that same hope for understanding as well. But….

Emma bit down firmly on her lip and tightened the hold she had on his heart. There was nothing that she could possibly say to him. Not now. Not when his heart was in her hands.

Chewing restlessly on that lip… It had to be done. It had to be over with.

She palmed his heart in just one hand and pulled back. Without more warning than that, she shoved it forcefully- through cloth, through skin, through muscle- back into its home, back into his chest.

The sheer pain registered clearly on his face. His own lips thinned as he immediately pushed himself towards her, getting adjusted to the quick replacement of his heart.

“Love?” It was a guttural moan as his hand came out towards her.

Emma took a quick step backwards. It was instinctual. It was… a must, to get away from him.

Killian’s deep frown creased his forehead instantly. “Swan?” The pain on his face was quite different this time.

“No.” Because… she couldn’t. Emma shook her head as she did more than just step back. Her eyes fell to the floor and she moved one foot in front of the other, needing more than anything to just get away from him.

 

****

 

 

Emma pushed her way through the door, her entire body feeling tense and stilted. It wasn’t his voice haunting her, but the heavy steps of the boots and the woosh of the leather coat as he took each step.

Killian didn’t understand, did he? Her silence hadn’t been warning enough of the fact that she had no use for conversation, no use for being confronted in that moment.

The sidewalk and streets were deserted. Emma was thankful for that. She was thankful for the near-silence that surrounded her. Except for those steps and that woosh… Or maybe even the feel of her heart beating from her chest.

“Swan.”

He was at her heels. Why did he keep coming?

“Swan, wait.”

The feel of the steel of the hook slipped around her arm, hooking her to him and forcing her to turn back towards him.

Emma couldn’t help the way her eyes widened on him. Did he believe that forced confrontation was really the way to get her to open up? His face… It was clear and spoke of the misunderstanding she knew had been there all along.

“Do you even understand why I’m upset?” It was accusatory because… she had every right to be accusatory when his actions were these. She shook her head, already knowing the answer to her question.

Killian watched her with an ease as he stepped even closer to her. His lips parted slightly as his eyes roamed over her face.

“You think I kept something away from you,” he murmured softly, still watching her.

If it were only that simple….

Emma felt the frown cover all of her features.

“You tried to handle this on your own.” Her heart… It wasn’t only pounding. There was something else going on in her chest as well. Something that wasn’t so easily definable for her.

“It was the only way,” Killian tried to convince her, giving a shake of his head.

Emma held his gaze for a quick moment. It was right in front of her and very clear. He didn’t get it. Looking into his eyes, seeing the care and concern, he still didn’t get it.

“I saw the signs,” she finally admitted. Saying it aloud made it real. The past. Everything. She could feel all those thoughts ready to spill from her mouth. “I saw that something wasn’t right about you.” She saw it! So why didn’t she…

The intensity of that stare….

“And I didn’t do anything about it,” Emma whispered harshly to him.

It had been… an entirely great length of time. She had noticed the difference. She had noticed that…. that his heart didn’t reach his eyes. Why… why hadn’t she….

“It was all due to my incredible efforts at keeping you safe,” Killian assured her smoothly. Was it always going to be smoothly? He shook his head. “Not because-”

“After everything I told you!” She wanted to scream it at him. She wanted to get it through his head.

“I needed you safe,” Killian said calmly and firmly, unperturbed by her increasing distress. He moved then, taking even another step closer to her.

Emma could see it in his eyes. She could see that he was strong and firm about his reasons. If the words weren’t enough, his stance was supposed to be the deciding factor.

It didn’t take away the truth of the matter though…

Emma felt the way her face wanted to crumple under the truth.

“I put everything above you, Killian.” It came as a whispered sigh as she tried to keep the pain in. “With everything going on, I let it slide when I saw you struggling.” Her gaze fell away from the sincerity of his own watchful eye. “I should have known.”

“You’re blaming yourself?” The question left his mouth incredulously at the same moment his hand grabbed at her arm. There was pain in his eyes as he watched her. “Emma.”

It gave her a need to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. That was only a reaction. It couldn’t take away the truth.

“Killian.”

His hand tightened its hold on her, his one step he took brought him that much closer to her.

“It wasn’t just you,” Emma whispered before he would try to make her see any differently. She had to let him see, make him see. “I let myself believe Gold had changed.” Even speaking those words made her shake her head in utter disbelief. “Gold?”

“He had the whole town fooled, not just you.” Killian’s voice was calm, a voice of reason. He slowly let go of her arm as his head tilted, his face still filled with worry.

“And that makes it okay?” Emma questioned, knowing the answer to that it was a resounding no.

This time, Killian stepped back. He took a moment to watch her, to truly watch her.

Did he see? Finally, did he see the truth? Every single decision that she made since his heart had been taken… Every single decision she made to turn her head and look another way… Emma felt the break of her own heart as she looked up at the man who meant… meant so much to her.

“When it comes down to it, Emma,” his eyes made a path across her face slowly, “it was you who saved the day.”

It was as if he wanted to convey something to her that was opposite of what she needed to convey to him.

“If I would have lost you, Killian…” The thought brought tears to her eyes. “I would have had no one to blame but myself.” That was the truth of the matter. That was the awful truth that had been building up inside her.

“Well. you didn’t lose me,” Killian whispered softly. There was even a hint of a smile the lifted the corners of his mouth. “You saved me.” This time, he took a step closer to her. This time, the smile reached his eyes as he tried to catch a glimpse of something in hers. “And… I have no one to thank… but you.”

Tears sheened Emma’s eyes. The reason for them was a mix of many different emotions. Some of those reasons… she couldn’t even define. Not now. Not with the way he was looking at her, with a hope and desire for…

“So…” With careful movements, Killian’s hand filled the space between them. “Let me thank you.”

It wasn’t only his hand that struck out between them. With a final glimmer of something mystifying in his eyes, Killian’s swooped in closer, his mouth finding hers and kissing her passionately.

He was a magnet for her body, Emma pushing herself into him so that she could return his kiss. The feel of his hand finding her waist and holding tight gave her the power to let go, the power to give into the need. She had a powerful need.

_Killian._

__

__

Emma gripped at the front of his coat as she kissed him. He was… okay. He had his heart. Her hands moved away from the coat to lay firmly against his chest. She needed to hear it, to feel it. She needed to feel it beating inside of him just as she had felt it beating in her own hands. And… she did.

Holding on to him again, gripping at this man who had a way of soothing her soul, Emma lost herself in his words just as much as his touch and the feel of him. How did he do it, soothe her in such a way? She didn’t know, but she was grateful. Grateful for being able to let go of the pain of not living up to the title of savior. Because maybe…. he was right.

Killian was safe in her arms. Gold was banished from town.

Emma could still feel the tears underneath her closed eyes. It didn’t matter. Holding on tighter to her and feeling him do the same, she let the ease of happiness wash over her.


End file.
